They Never Really Leave Us
by JediMaster-Jen
Summary: Harry finally understand what Sirius meant.


**Title: **They Never Really Leave Us

**Summary: **Harry finally understands what Sirius meant.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter and I am not making any money off of this. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**12 Grimmauld Place, London**

**Potter Residence**

**June 12, 2012**

The first stars were just becoming visible when Harry Potter stepped outside. His emerald green eyes went immediately to the darkening sky. Without thought, his gaze landed on Canis Major and it's brightest star, Sirius. The dog star.

From her spot on the porch behind him, Hermione watched her husband. She didn't need to look up to know what he was looking at and who he was thinking about. It was the same every year. He'd stare at the sky for hours on this night, never breathing a word, never making the slightest sound.

"Harry?" she called, as she did every time.

"Yes, love?" he asked; same as always.

"Don't be too long," she advised. "The children want you to tuck them in to bed."

It was then that he deviated from his pattern. Rather than tell Hermione that he'd be in shortly, Harry stood and faced her. Tears were coursing down his tanned cheeks and the raw pain she saw in his eyes made her gasp.

"I'm going to take a walk," he said softly, through his tears. "Tell the children…tell them I'm sorry."

With that, Hermione watched him walk away, heading for the ancient cemetery at the end of the road. She knew exactly where he was going and she hoped, prayed, that finally after sixteen years, he'd find what he was searching for.

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**_Sirius Orion Black_**

_**1958-1996**_

_**Beloved Godfather and Friend**_

Harry stood before the grave marker he'd had placed fourteen years earlier in honor of the man he'd loved as a father. There was no body in the ground, but that hadn't mattered. He'd wanted a place where he could go and feel like there was something left of the man he'd known so briefly.

"Hey, Sirius," Harry spoke softly; the first words he'd ever uttered in all the times he'd stood and stared at the marker.

Carefully, he sat down in front of the marker and cleared his throat. "I'm…I'm sorry I haven't…talked to you before now. I wanted to, but…I guess I just didn't know what to say. Hell, you'd been gone for two years before I could even make myself put this marker here."

A small breeze wafted through the cemetery then, tossing leaves about and ruffling Harry's shaggy, unkempt hair.

"Sixteen years seems like so long a time," he continued on. "But really, it's gone by in the blink of an eye. I'm almost thirty-two years old. I never imagined that…no, I never _believed _that I'd ever make it this far. But here I am. I'm married and I have three children. I'm an Auror, like you were. After I defeated Voldemort, I applied. Mrs. Weasley was against it. I understood why, of course. Losing Mr. Weasley, Charlie and George was…hard on her. It was hard on all of us, really. None of the Weasley's were the same, especially Ron and Ginny. That's how Hermione and I got together, I guess. She was my best friend, too, and we both needed someone. I'm a bit ashamed to tell you that neither of us ended what we had with Ron and Ginny before we…well, you understand what I mean, I'm sure."

He stopped talking when a light rain began to fall. Harry listened intently as the rain drops fell upon tree leaves, creating a peaceful sound all around him. He drew his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them and began again.

"Hermione and I were married in Godric's Hollow," he revealed. "It was her idea. She said the old place needed something good again. So, Remus, Tonks, Hermione, Seamus and I tore down the old house, rebuilt it and had a wedding. Two years after that, exactly eleven years and one day before today, our first child was born. We named him after you and my dad. James Sirius Potter. We call him Jamie. He'll be heading off to Hogwarts this September. Hermione is convinced he'll end up in Gryffindor like she and I were, but I think he just might be in Ravenclaw. He's really quite brilliant and I think…I think it might be better for him to be sorted somewhere other than Gryffindor."

"Hey, Dad!" came a young voice from a few feet behind Harry.

Harry didn't stand, but turned and smiled at his oldest son. "Come here, Jamie. I'd like you to meet someone."

Eleven year-old Jamie Potter was the spitting image of his father with the same messy black hair and round glasses; except for his eyes. Jamie had Hermione's beautiful dark eyes.

Harry pulled the boy down next to him and pointed to the marker. "James Sirius Potter, meet my godfather, Sirius Orion Black."

Jamie nodded. "I'm named after him, right?"

Harry smiled. "Yep, you sure are. You're named after my father as well, James. But I wanted you to have Sirius as part of your name too so you had something of him with you, always. He was the strongest man I knew and I was proud to have had him in my life, even if it was so short a time. You were never lucky enough to know him, so I gave him to you the only way I could. I gave you his name."

"Why did he have to leave?" Jamie asked innocently, wishing he'd met the man who's name he carried; the man his father loved so much.

A memory came to him then.

_"It's cruel that I got to spend so much time with James and Lily and you so little," Sirius said softly to his godson. "But know this; the ones that love us never really leave us. You can always find them…in here."_

With the memory, Harry swore he could feel Sirius' hand on his chest again, just like then.

With a sad but hopeful smile, he answered his son. "He didn't leave, Jamie, not really. The ones that love us never really leave us. We can always find them, right in here."

He placed one of his hands over his own heart and one over Jamie's. "Sirius resides right here in me. So do my parents. Sirius lives in you too, in your name. You carry him with you everywhere you go. In a few months, you'll be carrying him and Grandpa James back to Hogwarts. I think they'd both like that."

Jamie smiled as Harry dropped his hand. "I understand, Dad."

Harry smiled. "Good. Now run on home and tell your mum that I'll be along in a few minutes."

Jamie turned and ran, tossing a wave at his father and yelling a quick goodbye to Sirius as he headed back down the street.

Harry turned and looked back at the marker. "I think I finally understand, too. I hadn't thought about your words in a long time. Back when you…died, I didn't want to understand them. All I knew was that you were suddenly gone from my life as abruptly as you'd entered it, and it was my fault. I rushed into something I didn't understand and you paid the price. But now…now, after all these years, I think I can finally let go. I can finally let go of it all, the guilt, the pain of losing you, the…blame."

He bent down as the tears fell once again. He reached out and traced each letter of Sirius' name with his finger. "I miss you as much today as I did the day after you were gone. But I know you're with me with every step I take in this world. Every time I call my son's name, I know you're with me. Every time I transform into my animagus form, a dog by the way, I know you're with me. Every memory I have of you lets me know that you never really left me, and you never will. You were the closest thing I ever had to a father, and I love you."

He pulled his hand away and stood. He took a deep breath and for the first time in sixteen years, he felt free. The weight he'd grown accustomed to had finally lifted. Sirius was dead, but he would always be with him. Life was as it should be for Harry Potter.

He went home then, to his wife and children, and to the life he knew Sirius and his parents would have wanted for him.

And he was happy.


End file.
